my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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