I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
