I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize