Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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