Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry about my life...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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