pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
