UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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