***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
someone owes me an orgasm
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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