I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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