i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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