you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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