fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm passing your future prison.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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