then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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