I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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