I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
