News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....