the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Less talking, more tequila
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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