bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."