I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake