YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.