Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?

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(609): so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/3dvn

Replies (18) Good night (3002) Bad night (566)
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(607): View more from New York

i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.

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(607): i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady. http://tfl.nu/6072

Replies (40) Good night (1707) Bad night (5763)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.

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(609): I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off. http://tfl.nu/iqir

Replies (18) Good night (7227) Bad night (1034)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.

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(403): his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly. http://tfl.nu/boxe

Replies (7) Good night (4076) Bad night (799)
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(260): View more from Indiana

THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL

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(260): THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL http://tfl.nu/le0h

Replies (6) Good night (3017) Bad night (676)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.

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(780): We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150. http://tfl.nu/ontt

Replies (20) Good night (1882) Bad night (2607)
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(716): View more from New York

my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?

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(716): my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in? http://tfl.nu/3561

Replies (18) Good night (6089) Bad night (1327)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.

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(918): I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics. http://tfl.nu/dut8

Replies (15) Good night (1287) Bad night (2714)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention

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(413): when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention http://tfl.nu/m2zs

Replies (4) Good night (1728) Bad night (545)
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(205): View more from Alabama

You fucked her?! HER?!

(1-205): View more from Alabama

She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.

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(205): You fucked her?! HER?! (1-205): She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir. http://tfl.nu/jld9

Replies (6) Good night (3573) Bad night (603)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.

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(908): She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass. http://tfl.nu/vr1h

Replies (12) Good night (2821) Bad night (494)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.

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(720): I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned. http://tfl.nu/lcb4

Replies (4) Good night (1219) Bad night (359)
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(330): View more from Ohio

He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.

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(330): He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious. http://tfl.nu/rluf

Replies (6) Good night (1023) Bad night (277)
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(707): View more from California

According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

(253): View more from Washington

You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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(707): According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground. (253): You called the wrong number but I salute you. http://tfl.nu/npd5

Replies (4) Good night (1286) Bad night (221)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.

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(+44): There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though. http://tfl.nu/j5bh

Replies (2) Good night (188) Bad night (538)

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