I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
