i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
