The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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