Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
