So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
