got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
