I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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