I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
