And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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