They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's blow job season.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
