Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
