last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.