Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine

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  (617): i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine http://tfl.nu/ryw8
  Replies (33) Good night (797) Bad night (3522)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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  (251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq
  Replies (38) Good night (939) Bad night (3760)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined

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  (301): I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined http://tfl.nu/iip9
  Replies (19) Good night (912) Bad night (3155)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....

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  (269): i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn.... http://tfl.nu/s1xw
  Replies (20) Good night (685) Bad night (5313)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  it was like fucking gandolphs beard

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  (405): it was like fucking gandolphs beard http://tfl.nu/vnqc
  Replies (30) Good night (990) Bad night (6806)
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  (518): View more from New York

  She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

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  (518): She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her http://tfl.nu/ofex
  Replies (65) Good night (13868) Bad night (2777)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.

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  (724): You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails. http://tfl.nu/klfg
  Replies (15) Good night (1930) Bad night (826)
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  (818): View more from California

  My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.

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  (818): My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place. http://tfl.nu/mphg
  Replies (10) Good night (1258) Bad night (394)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween

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  (860): Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween http://tfl.nu/izhm
  Replies (4) Good night (2157) Bad night (450)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.

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  (705): I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/bmha
  Replies (3) Good night (593) Bad night (1033)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.

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  (586): I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins. http://tfl.nu/rkqp
  Replies (2) Good night (841) Bad night (378)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.

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  (724): I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick. http://tfl.nu/1sdq
  Replies (9) Good night (831) Bad night (247)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen

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  (306): well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen http://tfl.nu/nqpt
  Replies (1) Good night (254) Bad night (399)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever

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  (775): he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever http://tfl.nu/oimy
  Replies (4) Good night (201) Bad night (733)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole

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  (615): I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole http://tfl.nu/7njw
  Replies (4) Good night (257) Bad night (475)

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