I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
