I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.