I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.