he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok