I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.