last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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