So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
