Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
