I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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