How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
