I must be too annoying 4 u.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
