In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
