If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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