She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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