when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
