I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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