I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
