forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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