i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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