just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
