with your own penis?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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