It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize