You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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