Got a toothbrush?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
