Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
