a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
