hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
