I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
