I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
