just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
