i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am one with the molecules
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
