Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
