I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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