Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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