evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
