Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
