today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
