I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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