that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
