is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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