at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
