my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
where are my eyebrows?
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