even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
