if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That was an excessively violent trivia night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
